ANSWERING MACHINE

Hello, this is Past P Jay. I’m sorry to say that Present P Jay is unavailable, but if you, Present You, would like Future P Jay to get in touch with Future You, that is entirely possible. Here’s the system I’ve worked out, and I must say it’s pretty ingenious. Future P Jay will thank me.

Here’s the process. In a moment, Present You (well technically Slightly Future You, but you guys are close, right?) goes ahead and speaks into the receiver. I, Past P Jay, have connected a device, which works intra-temporally by recording what you, in the present, say. Now, that message will be effectively immortalized, passing through time for our purposes largely un-tampered with in any way, until such time as Future P Jay comes in and re-plays the message, thereby creating a sort of time-leap and opening a one-way line of communication between you, who are in the present, and Future P Jay, who is not.

Your head must be reeling, but don’t worry. The basic weight of this whole procedure is this: upon hearing a beep, you will be effectively speaking with Future P Jay immediately. As such, you needn’t use any special or unusual grammar (eg: Hey, I ‘was’ leaving a message) since this will only confuse Future P Jay. In fact, if you wish, you can go right ahead and, along with addressing Future P Jay in the present tense, speak as if you are Future You him/herself . It won’t make much difference to Future P Jay, and if he can get in touch with Future You right away, it might actually be the smoothest means. Just be sure you pass along to Future You the message so he/she isn’t caught off-guard. How embarrassing that would be!

I don’t know how exactly I came up with this method of connecting we four parties (to recap: Past P Jay (me), Present You (you), Future P Jay, Future You) except by divine creativity. There must have been a muse here with me. My only regret is that even with all the open lines for communication, I cannot, not via any third- or fourth- or fifth- (etc.) party message-passing, ever connect you, Present You, with Present P Jay, for Present P Jay is clearly not in (or why would you otherwise hear from me?). The two of you are destined never to meet or enjoy simultaneity of any kind. Regrettably, this is probably all you really wanted though, eh?
BEEP.