Leaving the House

"First attempt," Austin called out from the front door. He closed it behind him, leaving his roommate Henry inside checking email. Six steps out he realized the first thing he forgot, turned on his toe, and let himself back in through the front door.
"Strike one," Henry said when he heard the door open. He didn't look up.
"Forgot my phone," Explained Austin.
Henry pecked at the keys of his laptop.
"Second try," and out Austin went into Tucson's evening. He was headed for practice, dressed neck to ankle in synthetics designed to wick sweat while retaining body heat. This time he had his hand on the car door before he remembered something. "Jug," he sighed. A few seconds later and he was pushing through the front door once again.
"Come back to tell me you remembered everything?"
"Jug."
"Gotta have water. Strike two."
"Third attempt. See you later tonight."
"Hopefully not in the next minute."
Austin sat down in his parents' Mercury, started the engine, and then shut it off.
"You're out."
"I told Q I'd bring his jersey."
"Nice of you."
"Fourth try. Hasta."
"I think the over-under was posted at 6 tonight."
Austin didn't get far this time.
"Doesn't count if the door didn't close."
"You said 'hasta'. Strike four."
"Can you lob me one? These curve balls are killers."
"I'm pretty sure we're already playing Tee Ball. Your stuff isn't exactly trying to elude you."
"Peace."
Socks, a hat, an iPod, and then the car FM transmitter all had to be recuperated one at a time soon after.
"Strike a million."
"What inning are we in? I feel like I've looked a season's worth of pitches. You're not even keeping track."
"This is like a cricket match man. We're playing 'til you knock over this fucking wicket."
"I thought I was on offense."
"My metaphor has shifted."
"Have you seen my headphones?"
"Now why would they be anywhere but attached to your iPod?"
"You answer first."
"No."
"How should I know."
"Is practice over yet?"
"Why, what time is it? Oh shit, my watch."
"Saved you the million and oneth strike there."
"Later."
Austin had the car in reverse, his hand on the headrest of the passenger seat, and was waiting for the F-150 to pass before backing out when he remembered that he owed Juan $20.
"Is there anything you won't be bringing to practice?"
"Shit, I only have eighteen. Can I borrow two bucks?"
"Will you take it in quarters?"
"You only have quarters?"
"Well, mostly. There will be a few dimes and nickles to round out the whole two hundred cents. But no copper, honest."
"I'm gonna need a baggy."
"Stop whining, you won't have to have it longer than ten minutes."
"Thanks."
"Unless of course things continue along this rather tightly fit trend line. Strike infinity, by the way."
"Nth attempt."
"But it's a countable infinity."
Henry saw Austin's keys sitting on the table and chuckled. He heard Austin's footsteps fade, stop, and start again back towards the door. He met his room mate keys in hand.
Austin opened the door and paused. He frowned at Henry, furrowed his eyebrows.
"It's okay, still within aleph naught."
"No it's not that."
"What, then?"
"I didn't even come back for my keys."
"I don't think counting this as one or two trips will significantly change your stats on the night."
"..."
"What else did you forget?"
Austin thought hard. A look of supreme concentration on his face. "I don't remember."
"Well start walkin' that a way, it'll come back to you."
"Dammit."
"Maybe this will help." Henry closed the door. Austin knocked.
"Clif bar."
"You know I've always thought that eating those was a pretty forgettable experience."
"Lock the door behind me this time."
"I mean they have different flavors printed on the package, but it's all just light brown tasting in the end."
"I'm going to practice."
"Come hell or high water. Did you remember your water?"
"Days ago."
"You ain't kidding."


***Comments such as 'funny' or 'unfunny' are greatly appreciated***